Benson Surrendered
by LillianKristine4015
Summary: First collaboration! Please R&R! Elliot picks up his life from California to come and help find Olivia. Olivia moves in with Elliot and starts to relive some of the horrific moments that she spent with Lewis, and through all of it she is in fear that one day Elliot will pick up his life and leave her again. This is Olivia telling Elliot her story of what happened.
1. Chapter 1

_Okay so this is the first story I am sharing with you guys where I wrote it with someone else. This is my first published collaboration! I really hope that you guys like it, this is like, an amazing story! And we both worked hard! I normally wouldn't post a collaboration story unless it was completely done but I told trust the person I am writing this with, and her and I decided that we should go ahead and post the first chapter tonight! So don't forget to review and let us know what you think! _

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"Elliot, just calm down," Olivia sighed wincing as she laid back into the pillows Elliot had just fluffed for her. "I am fine."

"You are most definitely not fine," he stated, she closed her eyes trying to hide the tears as she started to gnaw on her lip.

"Elliot," she said softly, as he continued busying himself around her. Fixing her pillows, flipping her blankets, getting her water. She was already taking over his home, she didn't need take over his life too. "Elliot!" She snapped when he didn't pay attention to her, his eyes moved from the bruises on her legs to her eyes.

"Yes?" He said stopping his actions of propping her injured legs. "What is it?"

"Can you just," she paused pressing her sprained hand to her forehead. "Just stop, please stop."

"Liv, I just want you comfortable," he sighed sitting down at the end of the bed beside her feet.

"I am comfortable, compared to what I have had, this is the best," she assured him, hearing her say those words made his insides churn.

As soon as he heard she had been kidnapped he rushed back to New York from his life in California to check on her. When he got there he was surprised to hear that she had still been missing. He called his captain in California and had him call Cragen and give him full privilege in New York. Immediately he went to work with the new guys, Fin and Much trying to find her, and after a long two months of work he went back to her apartment again to see if there was anything that they were missing; that's when he seen her.

Passed out in the alley beside her building, in the dark. Normally he wouldn't think about looking on the side of her building, but he wanted to know how that bastard got her out of the building without anyone seeing.

"I hate that he did this to you Olivia," he whispered looking up at her from the end of the bed, his eyes full of unshed tears.

"Come here," she said opening her arms to him, he gave her an unsure look knowing that she was in pain and he didn't want to cause her anymore discomfort. "Fine if you won't do it for you do it for me? Please?" She whispered knowing they both needed to feel each other to know she was alive. "Please, just hold me?"

He looked at her for a moment longer before crawling up the bed, he set down beside her and wrapped his hand around her waist and lent against the headboard. He was still too gentle with her and she could feel it by the way he was holding her, taking a risk she turned on her side. Choking on her cry so that he didn't know how much she was hurting, she rested her head on his chest. She let out a small whimper when she stretched her arm out to wrap it around his waist.

"Olivia let me get your pain meds," he said softly, but she just tighten her grip on him.

"Please don't make me move again," she whispered.

"It would make me feel better if you just let me carry you everywhere," Elliot chuckled, letting Olivia adjust herself to her liking molding around him.

"As much as I would love that, who would that help? I need to get stronger, not you," she murmured into his chest, wincing, then relaxing after finally getting comfortable.

"Okay fine," he said giving in. "Just let me know if the pain becomes too much?" He asked her, she nodded against his chest. He softly started to slowly run his fingers through her wet hair, he had just helped her take a bath knowing she was too hurt to do it herself.

It hurt him seeing her so hurt, every little cry she let out broke his heart even more. He wanted to be the one to bathe with her, not bathe her. Though he would do whatever he could to help her, he would walk across the world barefooted for her. He knew she had to be mad at him for leaving and that was something they were going to get into later when she wasn't in so much pain. They had so much to talk about.

"I'm really sorry that you had to come all the way home to get me," she tells him knowing he picked up his life in California to come and help find her, though she loved him being here, she couldn't shake the feeling that he was only here because he was obligated to be here.

"Don't apologize Liv, I would do anything for you," he said kissing the top of her head then continuing to play with her hair. "You are and will forever be my first priority." He remembered the time where they had gotten so deep into a case only to have all the victims slaughtered in the end. It took a huge toll on her since she was the closest to all of them.

He held her for hours that night in the cribs and the entire time he was trying to get her to fall asleep, she needed sleep so bad. As soon as his fingers had touched her head she was out like a light.

"What happened?" Elliot asked softly unsure if she wanted to talk about it. It was killing him not knowing what happened to her; but he had a feeling it was going to kill him hearing what happened to her.

"You don't want to know," she told him with a spin shivering voice, he knew then it was bad. Well he knew it was bad seeing her body, bruises, cuts, burns, (etc.) It was bad, but the way she said that made him realize how bad it was.

"Are you not saying it because you don't want me to know, or because you don't want to admit it to yourself?" He asked, he could feel her jaw straining against his chest and knew she was thinking about it.

"Both," she told him with a defeated sighed. "El you don't want to hear, believe me," she tried. He knew he should stop but he couldn't, so he pushed on.

"Liv it will be good for you to talk about it," he said to her, he heard her let out a groan.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"At the beginning."

_"Welcome home detective Benson," William smirked at her, gun pointed straight at her face._

_She went to reached for her gun, but froze when she noticed his cold dark eyes piercing into hers. Before she could think of what to do next, he grabbed her arm and drug her deeper into her apartment._

_"It took you awfully long to get home detective, what were you doing?" He asked setting her down on one of her kitchen chairs he had moved to the middle of her living room. He had everything set up before she got there._

_"Lewis, why are you doing this?" She asked him frantically chewing the inside of her lip, she felt her gun still resting on her hip. All she had to do was grab it, and as if reading her mind he pressed his gun to her temple._

_"Don't even think about it, you sneaking little bitch," he said in a chuckling whisper, yanking it from her belt. "You don't need this for what we are doing," he tells her, emptying the clip into her lap and tossing the body of the gun across the room._

_"And you need yours?" She asked in a snappy come back immediately regretting it when she felt the back of his hand across her cheek. Her hand shot to her face with a gasp, she tried not to show much of a reaction but the ring he had been wearing cut her cheek. A small dot of blood starting to appear. He brought his face down to her cheek breathing in her scent before brushing his lips across the blood before licking the small amount off of her. She jolted feeling his tongue touching her._

_"Don't ever try talking to me like that again," he growled into her skin before reaching for the duct tape that he had hanging from his belt. "I don't want you thinking that you can get away." Shoving his gun in the back of his pants where his tape had just been. Pulling a piece off, he ripped it with his teeth._

_"Billy," Olivia said holding her hands up in mock surrender just trying to catch him off balance. "Let's think about what you are doing," she said softly, but by the sinister smile that was starting to ghost his lips, she knew he wasn't going to come to any senses._

_"Oh, I'm thinking about it." With that he went at her, but she jumped at him at the same time. Hitting him in the stomach he let out a small grunt but before she managed to get away from him he grabbed her waist, ripping her back to him. Then he "accidentally" lost his grip causing her to fall back, her head beating against the chair. "You dirty little bitch," he chuckled rubbing his stomach for a moment before pulling a small bottle from his pocket and what looked like a dirty wad of paper towels from the other. "You can either sniff this willingly or I can force you," he said dumping the bitter sweet smelling liquid on the paper towels._

_"Go to hell," she spat rubbing the back of her head, feeling the wetness, immediately she knew she had broken skin when she hit the chair. 'Chair,' she thought looking over at it, grabbing the feet she mustered all the strength that she could throwing it at him from her spot in the floor._

_"So," he laughed knocking it over with ease before it had a chance to hit him. "You want to do this the hard way."_

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_A/N: So what do you guys think? Do you like it? Should we continue? Please review and let us know if you like it! That would really be amazing! _

_Also if you read on WattPad you should check out her story, it's really good and about half way through I sorta started helping. Her WattPad name is _Ily_Vanilly


	2. Chapter 2

"_I thought we were past this," he chuckled kissing her forehead, he was laying on the bed beside her, staring down at her form as she slept. He had decided that he could take a little time at her place; so they were still there. He had her hands cuffed to the headboard above her head and her feet were free. "You were so sweet when you were knocked out," he said running his hands down her bare stomach towards one of her most intimate places, she was laying motionless in nothing but her panties and bra._

_She let out a groan feeling his hands running over her body, it had been going on all day. She was getting sicker by the moment, he kept feeding her medication followed by alcohol. She was trying her hardest to act like she was still asleep, she had her head turned to the other side not wanting to open her eyes and see him staring down at her with a sadistic smile that was permanently tattooed on his face._

_She felt his fingers run along the band of her panties and let out a small whimper. "Come on, I know you are awake," he whispered into her ear, it took everything in her not to puke feeling his breath on her skin. "I know what will wake you up." He stood up and for a moment she was relieved... till she felt it._

_She screamed out in pain feeling the scorching metal against her skin. "Please, stop! I'm awake!" She cried out._

Gasping and choking on her own cries she sat up in Elliot's bed. She stuck her hand under her shirt to feel the still healing scar, she remembered it like it had just happened. She could actually feel it start to burn, she could feel her skin ripping, tearing, breaking. She could smell her burning flesh, she could hear him laughing.

Her body was starting to shake with fear, pain, worry. Clutching her chest, she felt as though she was going to have a heart attack. Her heart was racing she was panting.

Laughing.

_Laughing, terrorizing._

"_Olivia, give me a smile," he laughed twisting the wire hanger against the skin on her abdomen, causing her to cry out again._

"No, no," she cried starting to fight him, though it wasn't him, it was Elliot.

"Hey, hey, it's me," he whispered trying to hold her hand but due to the thin sheet of sweat that was covering her body she kept slipping through his grasp.

"Don't please," she said in a pleading voice as tears rapidly slid down her cheeks.

"Olivia it's me, Elliot. I am not going to hurt you, please stop fighting me," he said a little louder, her cries were starting to get higher so he had to have a stronger voice than she did.

"El?" She asked in a gasping cry.

"It's me, I am not going to let anything happen to you," he said wrapping his arms around her, hearing her hiss from his tight hold but he knew it wasn't tight enough to tear any of her stitching or rip any of her bandages. He knew that this was she needed, to feel him, know that he was there. Feel his body pressed against hers, not some sadistic bastard.

"It was so real, El," she whispered crying into his chest as she clung to him. Fearing if she let go, none of this would be real. She was going to wake up with Lewis over her, _in _her. "I can feel it."

"Feel what Liv?" He asked rocking her back and forth kissing the top of her head.

"The scar on my side, it's burning," she whispered grabbing his hand and dragging it to the spot knowing that if he was going to have to find it, he would see all the other scars and not know which she was talking about.

"Can I turn on the light?" He whispered rubbing the scar slightly, he wasn't sure, but some of her burns were so severe that they had to be stitched. He didn't know if this was one of them and the burning she felt was from where the stitch ripped.

"You'll come back?" She asked quickly tightening her grip on him.

"I'm not going anywhere, I just want to turn the light on Liv," he said his heart breaking hearing the fear in her voice, he knew some of that was his fault. He left once and now she was in constant fear he would leave her again.

"Please come back," she said then taking a huge risk she let go of him, falling back against the headboard. She grabbed the closest pillow and clutched it to her chest and tightly closing her eyes. It was the middle of the night, she knew because it was still dark out. She couldn't help but wonder where Elliot was when she was having her panic attack and nightmare.

When the lights came on, she locked eyes with him and couldn't help but sob. Her body shaking as she cried, hard. "Oh Liv," he whispered crawling up to her on the bed, but she put her hand out.

"It's burning, I know for a fact it is burning!" She said frantically lifting her shirt and looking down at it, but it was just a bright pink color. Elliot was relieved that she hadn't ripped anything, the last thing she needed was to go to another hospital. It took her forever to get out of there and he knew she hated every moment of it.

"Look Liv," he said running his fingertips over it. "It's not burning, the memory was just so vivid," he tried to explain.

"Maybe," she whispered licking her dry lips and tasting her tears, reaching up she wiped her face. "I'm sorry I freaked out."

"Olivia stop apologizing," he said checking over the rest of her stomach wounds. "I would be worried if you didn't feel anything at all," he told her, he lowered her shirt back down before looking her in the eyes. "Can I?" He asked knowing she hated this part.

"Don't you have to?" She scoffed grabbing the top of her sweatpants and sliding them down over her hips, then laying back on the bed with her eyes closed softly.

He looked down at her legs letting out a sigh, he could see the goosebumps forming on them and wasn't sure if it was because she was cold or just shaking under his touch. He looked up at her face and knew that it was both. He knew that if he was going to be touching her he needed to talk to her so that she didn't think he was Lewis. That had already happened to many times.

Elliot had wished so many times that he would be able to see Olivia under him while he worshiped her, but right now, as she lay there bruised and broken he had a feeling that she was never going to let anyone get that kind of close to her again. He respected that, and would stop at nothing to make her happy again. He wanted so badly to be the one she trusts with her life, with her heart and soul.

"I was talking to Don," he told her pulling back the white bandage.

"Is that where you were?" She asked keeping her eyes closed and willing her body to relax, she knew it was Elliot but that didn't stop the fear that she felt all over her body.

"Yea, I was in the living room on the phone with him. He said that him and the guys all miss you."

As soon as he said this her eyes popped open and she sat up slightly on her elbows so that she could look at him. "I am not going back," she stated knowing that they just wanted her to come back to New York when fact was she was happy here, in California. Well she wasn't happy, but she felt was safe here with Elliot. New York would always be home to her and she will never be happy till she was back, but she didn't feel safe there anymore. She just needed some time away. Elliot made her feel safe and that's where she's going to be, with Elliot, until he couldn't stand her anymore.

"Nobody is making you do anything you don't want to do," he assured her, examining the stitching glad that they were still all intact and didn't look infected. He pressed the bandage back on, followed by a soft kiss and moved to the one on her other leg. He hated this one, right under the cut was an engraved word. _Weak. _He knew Olivia was anything other than weak. What weak person could endure what she had?

"I was asleep when he did that," Olivia confessed knowing what he was looking at, she seen it every time she took a bath. That word would haunt her for the rest of her life. Especially since it were true. "I didn't wake up till…" She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"You can tell me Olivia," he said placing the bandage back on her leg, then looking up at her. "I am your safe place Olivia. You can tell me anything," he said softly. As he was getting off the bed her eyes went wide and frantic, thinking that he was leaving her. "Calm down," he whispered. "I am just going to go and run you a bath, I know you hate feeling sticky from sweat."

"Okay," she said in a relieved sigh, chewing her lip she grabbed his hand and allowed him to pull her up. He knew how she didn't like being alone and she was grateful that he knew that. When he first showed up at the hospital she flipped, kicking him out, throwing things at him, blaming him for her getting kidnapped.

For the first week it was all Brian who took care of her, she was surprised to see how well he handled it. He managed to do everything that she wanted him to, till he let it slip that it was really Elliot doing all the things he was. Elliot was the one telling him what food she liked to eat, how she liked her pillows, he favorite brand of water.

After hearing that she let Elliot in, and with Elliot in Brian was out. It was a lot to deal with in a week, but then she discovered that while she was down she went into kidney failure, and of course; it was Elliot that gave her one.

As she thought about it she ran her finger over the small scar on her lower stomach. She watched as he felt the water making sure it wasn't to hot or to cold, she had no idea what she would have done had he not returned. She feared she would have quit, given up. He was all that she thought of as Lewis raped her, beat her, burned her. He is what kept her going.

**Review!**

_A/N: Ilianna and I are so in love with your reviews! They are amazing! Keep up the good work!  
So we have decided that we are going to update every Monday and Thursday. I think that sounds pretty good?  
Check out Ilianna's story Stolen Girl on WattPad (Ily_Vanilly)  
Check out my story A Thing Called Life! _


	3. Chapter 3

"Here." Elliot held out his hand so he could help Olivia step into the tub with as much ease as possible.

"Thank you," she said taking his hand as she stepped in, and slid down slowly into the heated water.

Wincing in pain, Olivia tried to relax. Let the warm water soothe her skin, envelope all her pain even if it were only for a moment. She didn't like being so exposed in front of Elliot, but at the same time she didn't want him leaving her side. She began to close her eyes as he ran the soapy cloth over the raw skin of her collarbone and neck area. She bit her tongue holding in her cry of pain when the fabric brushed against one of the cuts on her neck. Her mind started to drift to when she got the cut..

"_I told you to stop screaming!" He hissed into her face pressing the hand knife into her neck as he continued to thrust his fingers into her, normally he would enjoy her screaming but at the moment they were in a parking lot out side of the department store. He was still looking for the best place for them, he was so excited for what awaited her. He had everything planned out, throughout the entire trial all he could think about was how amazing it would feel to be inside of her._

"_You're hurting me," she said in a gasping voice feeling him dig the knife a little deeper into her skin, she could feel her blood running down into her shirt._

"_Oh darling," he chuckled. "This is nothing." Attaching his lips to hers as he continued to push the knife a little harder and add another finger._

"Liv, I forgot a towel," Elliot said causing Olivia to jump from her thoughts, she wasn't sure if he noticed or not. "I'm going to go get one from the laundry room," he said and began to get up from the tiled floor. She grabbed his wrist and shot up out of the water, letting out a pained yelp as water splashed everywhere.

"Don't leave me!" She cried gripping his wrist tighter, almost digging her nails in, but he would never tell her that she was hurting him.

A heartbroken look spread over his face as he sat back down on the, now, wet floor. He hated seeing her like this, it crushed him, but he was going to do all that he could to take this pain away from her; if that was enduring her slight nail digs and cold wet bathroom floor he would do it in a heart beat.

"I'm not going anywhere, Liv," he whispered, raising up on his knees to finish her wash. He could feel the water soaking into his sweatpants. "I'm going to clean your legs now, okay?" He said, wanting her to know exactly where his hands were going.

She nodded her head, giving him permission to proceed in washing her. He ran the rag up and down her legs in soft strokes, from her foot to the top of her thigh. She seen that him washing her was starting to become a struggle for him as it was her. She wanted to tell him that she could do it herself, that she didn't need help; but that would be a lie. She needed help.

"Get in with me," she said softly avoiding his eyes. She didn't want him to reject her and if he did she didn't want him to do it to her face. She bit her lip and let her tongue trace it from inside her mouth as she stared down at the cuts on her legs.

"Liv, are you sure?" He didn't want to push her, and he was afraid that her seeing him naked would do more pain then it would pleasure. That's what he hated about this, the fact that he had to think about her seeing him naked.

"Please?" She whispered, she looked up at him this time. She needed the comfort of his arms and knew that if she didn't look sure enough for him he wouldn't do it. She scooted forward in his bath tub nodding.

He started to strip himself of his clothing, starting with his shirt he pulled it over his head. Once that was gone he looked at her to see if her face showed any doubt but she had turned her head and was now looking down at the water in front of her. He wondered if it was to protect his privacy or to protect herself. He continued to slide his clothing off.

He stepped into the water behind her and once her was settled he softly grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back to him. When he heard her let out a small sigh and relax into him he felt joy, for the first time since she had been found, he felt joy.

Till he seen it.

She was tracing the word _weak _on her leg, he knew that she was starting to believe that bastards words. He wished that he could wipe that scar away but he knew no matter what surgery she had it would never go away.

"I should have been the one to kill him," Elliot said as he ran his eyes over all the other small cuts, scars and bruises. "He needed to suffer for what he did to you." A tear ran down his cheek as he said it.

Hearing the break in his voice Olivia turned slightly so that she could look at him. "Please don't cry," she whispered reaching up and wiping the tear from his face. "I'm here now, he's dead," she assured him letting her fingers linger on his cheek from where the tear had fallen from his dark blue eyes.

He leaned into her touch and let a few more tears fall down his cheeks; leave it to her to be comforting him when she was the one who needed comfort. "Liv, I don't know what I would have done if I lost you," he whispered, cupping his hand over hers he pulled her hand a little lower on his cheek so that he could kiss the palm of her hand.

"Stop it. Don't think like that," Olivia told him turning her body a little more. She was glad his tub was big, she was able to sit sideways in his lap.

"It's true, Olivia," he stated looking her deep in the eyes. It was rare for him to be able to actually look her in the eyes, even before the attack she would always break the contact. He was never sure why, but he would find out some day. "You are everything to me Olivia, I know now isn't the time and you are grieving an-"

"I love you too," she said sliding her hand lower and completely covering his mouth with her palm so that he wouldn't interrupt her. "I love you too Elliot, and I swear, if you leave me again..." She let her words trail off as her eyes drifted shut and her body shook slightly trying to push thought of what would happen to her if he left her again.

"I am not leaving you, ever again," he assured her, he placed both his hands on her cheek so that when she opened her eyes she had no choice but to look into his. "Liv, look at me." Her eyes slowly opened revealing red glossed eyes. "I don't want to get into this now, but I didn't mean to leave, I never wanted to leave you Olivia. I will never leave you again."

"Promise?" She asked her voice deep as her pitch raised, she could feel the pain in the back of her throat. Her body needed to cry, to rid it's self of pain, but she refused. Elliot had seen her cry to many times just today, she didn't want to ruin this moment with tears as well.

"Swear."

She nodded accepting his answer, for now. She laid her head on his chest and took a few calming deep breaths, she smiled loving the feeling of his hand that was sliding in a soothing motion up and down her arm.

"Do you want to get out?" He asked thinking that she was starting to fall asleep. He had no problem with carrying her, but he was going to have some troubles trying to pick her up from this angle while covered in water.

"One more thing," she said sitting up again so that she could look him face to face.

"Anything," he said not missing a beat.

"Kiss me?" She asked him softly.

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**!Read bellow!**

_A/N(s):_

_So I am rewriting all my old stories. The ones that I am in the process of updating will stay the same, but other that I have already finished will change, nothing to drastic I hope. But I liked the idea of reopening my stories and making them better. I am also repainting and modeling my room, so I'm sorry but updates for my other stories might be sorta slow; but I will continue to update this every Monday and Thursday.  
Check out my stories Game On and A Thing Called Life.  
_

-Lillian Kristine

_I'm really glad you guys all like our story, it meas a lot seeing all of your comments and reviews! My (WattPad) account is ily_vanilly, so if you want to ask me any questions or check out my story, Stolen Girl, you know where to go. Thanks for all of your support!_

-Ilianna H.


	4. Chapter 4

_Guys I am sooo sorry that I didn't update last night... I fell asleep! I ran for like two hours so as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out.._

"Liv-"

"Please?" She asked looking him in the eye, she knew how he worked. She knew that if she didn't look him in the eye with surety then he would never do it. So that's what she did, she looked him dead in the eye.

"Are you sure?" He questioned bringing his hand up to cup her cheek, he was relieved to see that she was looking at him.

"Yes," she breathed. He looked at her for another moment, her eyes softly closed and her lips parted slightly and waiting for his. But he didn't know if he could do it, he was so scared that this was going to hurt her.

Taking a chance he swallowed before letting his lips ghost hers, when he didn't get any resistance he allowed himself to press his lips fully on hers. It was soft, sensual. Something she had been longing for.

Feeling him still moving slowly, she did it herself. Reaching up she grabbed each side of his face and started to nip at his bottom lip, but he refused to give her access. '_Why is he so resistant? Normally, that's my role,' _she thinks. She pulls away with her eyebrows knitted together. "Do you not want to kiss me?" she asks, suddenly feeling embarrassed at their current position.

"Olivia you are healing," he sighs watching her as she starts to become full of self doubt, she was starting to pull away when he grabbed her waist (not hard because the last thing that he wanted to do was hurt her). "I want to kiss you but-"

"Then kiss me," she cut him off, trying to regain some of her dignity. "Kiss me like you mean it. To heal you need love," she said with certainty. "You love me, I love you. So kiss me," she breathed. "Just kiss me, please kis-"

She was cut off from her rambling when he attached his lips to hers. Covering her mouth with his, his fingers sliding into her wet hair as hers rested on his chest. Not giving either the chance to back out they both plunged their tongue in one another's mouth. Olivia moaned gently into his mouth, this being her first kiss since the attack_. _She tried her hardest to push Lewis to the back of her mind so she could enjoy this intimate moment with the man she loved more then anything.

As Elliot kissed her, he couldn't help but think of how strong she was. Here she was, kissing him, no more than a month after _it_ happened. He didn't know exactly what _it _was since she still had yet to tell him. "I've wanted to kiss you for so long, Liv… You don't know how special you are to me," he whisperes against her mouth, causing her to smile. Actually smile, for the first time in months. He was overjoyed at the thought of being able to be with her, like this; they both were.

As the kiss grew more passionate, things began to heat up in the already heated bathroom. Elliot momentarily lost track of Olivia's mental state, and began to let his hand trail up her waist, then cup her right breast.

That's when her calm, relaxed, serene state turned into a panicked and fearful one. As she felt his hand start to caress her skin she couldn't help but fall into a. not so welcoming, flash back.

"_I've always wondered what these felt like; ever since I saw you at your station, and in the interrogation room… they looked so… inviting. The way that white shirt clung to your body like a second layer of skin," Lewis grinned, ripping the small fabric that covered her breasts, exposing them. _

"_Stop." Was the only word she could think of as he cupped her right breast in his rough, calloused hand. He was gentle, thats what was killing her the most; when he would be gentle with her, as if it were an intimate moment they were sharing together._

"_So soft," he hummed looking down into her wide, full of fear, eyes. "Like silk," he added, he let go of her breast but his hand didn't stray from her chest. He let his finger run over her nipple, and it started to harden under his touch. "You like it," he chuckled seeing that her eyes that had been open were now closed tightly._

"_I don't," she said in a crying whisper, she was so mad at her body for reacting to his touch. This man was a monster, she knew it. So why didn't her body? __"Stop," she repeated._

"_Why, you're obviously enjoying it," he said letting his tongue dart out and run over her, now, beaded nipple. She let out a small gasp as a few tears ran down her cheek, she could feel them as they ran into her hairline and ear; she tried to focus on that. "Let's see if you are enjoying it any where else," he laughed running his hand down her body into her panties, cupping her…_

"No!" She cried, ripping her body from Elliot's touch. "Don't do it! Please don't do it!" She said backing away as far as she could. Though the tub was big, but it wasn't that big.

"Olivia, it's just me, it's Elliot," he said, as soon as his hand had touched her breast he immediately stopped, feeling her entire body stiffen. He pulled his hand away immediately but when he pulled from the kiss he knew it was too late, she was lost in her mind. He wanted to bring her back to reality, where she was safe with him but he knew better. He knew never to wake a person from their selves, it cause so much more damage.

"Don't," she gasped, her hand shooting to her mouth when she noticed it was just Elliot. "Fuck, what did I do?" She cried, standing and ignoring the pain that was taking over her body she stepped out of the tub. Remembering that he said he didn't have any towels in the bathroom she just grabbed her cloths from the wet floor and used them to cover her body as much as she could while she exited the bathroom.

"Liv! Shit-" He called after her, leaning over the tub he grabbed his wet boxers and not caringly slid them up his legs, but not without a fight. "it's alright! Really! I was taking it too far," Elliot said, running down the hall to where he kept the towels, he watched her as she faced away from him wrapping the towel around herself. He so mad at himself for taking it too far, he knew that they shouldn't have done it in the first place. He was scared that they would take it to far and she would not be ready, but he was the one who took it to far.

"No, it's not alright!" She snapped, she was rarely ever angry anymore, she was always so soft and calm since the attack he had a feeling it had something to do with the way that _he_ treated her. "Nothing's alright, don't you see that?!" She asked looking up at him, her arms wrapped around her as tight as the towel was. "I can't even let you fucking touch me with out him, being here," she cried then bowed her head in shame. "He was right, I'm weak. I am the definition of weak," she whispered in between cries. She felt so stupid for letting Lewis break free in her mind again.

"Don't you ever say that!" he snapped, causing Olivia to jump slightly. "You are far from weak. In fact, you are the strongest person I know," he continued, watching her as she kept her head bowed. "I'm going to hug you," he said letting her know what he was doing before he did it. Stepping closer to her he pulled her body into his arms. He stood there holding her as she held herself. "Please, don't ever say that you're weak," he whispered into her damp hair.

"Please don't give up on me," she said in a soft murmur, "I am trying, I really am," she whispered into his neck. It took everything in him not to cry, she needed him to be strong for her.

She was so scared that if she couldn't give him what he wanted he would leave her again. She couldn't go through that. She would never tell him, but him leaving hurt worse than anything Lewis did to her.

"I almost lost you once, Liv. You're stuck with me. I'll never give up on you; on us." He pulled back so he could look into her eyes, she still refused to give him that though. Letting his fingers touch her chin he lifted it so that she had to look at him. "I love you," he whispered, he continued to gaze at her for a moment, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, right now. Softly touching the back of her head he pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. "Let's get you dressed and into bed." He smiled then pulled away.

When he felt her hand tighten on his arm then softly slide down to take his hand, he knew that she still thought that he would leave her. The little gestures like that made him hurt; knowing that she could never fully trust him again. But he would do anything and everything in his power to keep her from thinking that he would leave her again.

"What do you want to wear?" He asked her as they walked into his room, he set her on the bed as he went to their dresser so that he could shuffle through it.

"I can get my own clothes," she laughed, but he shook his head.

"No, no," he said pointing at her. "This is my favorite part," he chuckled holding up a pair a soft pink boy cut panties with lace trimmings, she rolled her eyes and snatched them from his hands.

"You are such a teenage boy," she carefully slid the pair up her legs biting her lips when she felt them run over a cut. "There," she sighed proudly when she finally got them on, normal everyday tasks were starting to become easier and easier. She used to not even be able to dress herself, Elliot literally had to do everything for her.

"Do you just want a big t-shirt?" He asked, though he was proud of her for being able to get dressed on her own he still hated seeing her wince while she did it.

"Please," she whispered, he let a small frown graze his lips for a moment before opening the next drawer. They were all his shirts but he knew that they would be big enough for her, they would have been big before but now that she has lost so much weight since the whole Lewis thing they would be like a dress on her.

He grabbed a simple grey one that said 'NYPD' on his and walked to her. "Let go of the towel Liv," he said kneeling in front of her, she closed her eyes and just sat there. He knew this was his part, slowly pulling the tie from the towel it pooled beside her on the bed.

He always hated this part, he knew she did too. Her stomach, her chest, her sides. Not an inch of her torso was uncovered, he couldn't imagine the pain that she went through. He could feel his body aching just staring at hers.

"El?" She whispered softly knowing he was staring, again. "Just put the shirt on."

"I'm sorry." Softly grabbing her bruised wrist he slid it in the arm hole before repeating the action with the other one. Once he got her arms in, his carefully raised it over her head. They both let out small sighs when it was done. He grabbed the wet towel off the bed and gave himself a quick dry over still being in wet boxers after all.

"I'm going to go and change," he told her, she started to shake her head but stopped. Instead of disagreeing with him she bit her tongue and nodded. He stood there shocked, she looked up at him from her spot on the bed. Her eyes were starting to fill with tears.

"Go before I change my mind," she told him, her voice cracking with the small laugh she added at the end trying to lighten to situation.

"I can just change in here," he said reaching down to take her hands but she pulled them away.

"I'll be fine Elliot," she said playing with her fingers. She was anything but fine and they both knew it. She was as scared to be alone as he was to actually leave her alone.

He grabbed a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt and walked into the bathroom, as soon as he was in there he dressed quickly; and by quickly, as he walked out of the bathroom still putting his shirt on.

"See, that wasn't so bad," she said when he returned, he nodded but he knew her giving him that moment meant to so much to her. He didn't want or need that moment though.

"Here lets get you into bed." He walked up to the top of the bed and fixed her spot, before walking back to the end of the bed. "Put your arm around my neck," he said to her, she reached up and wrapped her arm around his neck.

At the moment she was in so much pain from getting out of the bath on her own, normally she would protest to him carrying her but at the moment she needed it. He laid her in the bed, fixing the pillows under her head. He was going to pull the blankets up when she reached out and touched his hand.

"Just the sheet," she said softly, he grabbed the sheet and pulled it up to her shoulders then grabbed the quilt and pulled it up to her knees.

"I'm going to get your pain meds," he said, before she had a choice to protest or agree he was in and out of the bathroom in a matter of seconds. He handed her the pills and the water bottle, she thanked him as she swallowed. "Is there anything you need or want?"

"You to get in bed with me?" She smiled, she hated it when he would make a fuss over her but she loved how sweet he was. She knew she was probably getting on his nerves but he never said anything about it.

"Your wish is my command." He climbed into the bed beside her, then awkwardly stared at her back. While he was getting comfortable she turned on her side. Normally he would hold her but after the incident in the bathroom he didn't know what she wanted.

"Just because of my stupid freak out doesn't mean you can't touch me," she said licking her lip, she hated that she had to tell him that it was okay for him to touch her, hold her, kiss her.

He reached over and wrapped his arm around her body, normally he would pull her to him but he knew that no matter where he grabbed her he would hurt her; so he adjusted himself to her.

They laid there in a chilling silence, neither being able to go back to sleep. "Tell me what happened next," he said kissing the back of her head.

"Now?" She asked in a quivering voice.

"Unless you don't want to," he said quickly, he wanted to know. He wanted to know _so _bad! But he would never dream of pushing her to tell him.

"No you deserve to know."

**Review!**

_A/N: So, next chapter has another, not so happy, flashback. Be ready for it!  
OMFG, Fifty Shades is now available on ITunes! Guess what I'm doing? (Smirks) I am literately going to watch it all furkin day! Gahhh! _


	5. Chapter 5

"_Olivia," Lewis said walking into the room with a sinister smile on his face. Olivia's body was half on the iron bed and half off hanging off. "What are you doing?" He asked his smirk fading and a frown replacing it. _

_Olivia couldn't speak since she had duct tape on her mouth, so as he started walking towards her all she could was just pull harder at her restraints. She had never hated handcuffs as much as she did right now. She could feel them ripping and digging into her skin._

"_Must have fallen off," he said in a mock pout. "Here, let me help you," he growled, grabbing her by the back of her knees and flinging her onto the bed, not caring that the cuffs were tearing her skin apart. She let out a groan as the handcuffs twisted around her wrist. "Maybe we should tie your legs to the bottom so this doesn't happen again," Lewis grinned, pulling out a long piece of rope. _

_He grabbed each of her legs in both hands and yanked her down, the action pulling harshly at her handcuffs. She let out a muffled cry as the cuffs dug even deeper into her skin, she could feel blood running down her wrist._

_As he tied her ankles to either side of the bed he would glance up at Olivia, with a look so evil, it could made her feel sick. "Oh the things that are going to happen on this bed," he purred to himself, running his hands up Olivia's exposed legs. She bucked her knee trying to get his hand off of her, but with her new restraints, it did nothing. "That's better," he chuckled, he circled the bed like an animal would circle its prey. Olivia swallowed, hard, when she felt his hands run along her stomach. _

_She felt her stomach muscles tighten under his touch. When she opened her eyes she immediately wish she hadn't. He was there, on top of her in a matter of seconds. "You like that?" He asked running his hand up and down her half naked frame. She closed her eyes as tears started to fill them, she turned her head to the side trying not to give him to satisfaction of her weakness._

"You are not weak!" Elliot said into the back of her neck, interrupting her story.

"Yea," she whispered, he sat there for a moment wondering if she was agreeing with him or says that she was weak. "Do you want me to continue?" She asked him, laying completely still in his arms.

"If you want to," he said kissing the back of her head.

"What happens next, is," she paused and shook her head slightly. "It's terrible, are you sure you want to hear it?"

"I will listen to anything you tell me," he assured her.

"After he." She took a deep breath. "After he finished… touching… me, he took the tape off my mouth."

"_You can scream," he chuckled kissing her ear as he started pulling the tape off of her mouth. "No one can hear you all the way out here." At that confession Olivia feared that they were too far out for anyone to find her let alone hear her. This is what he was good at, hiding the victim and then getting away with it. "Scream," he whispered into her hair, but all she could was tightened her lips praying nothing got past them. _

_Lewis got off on a struggle, she didn't want to give him that. "Fine," he snapped, getting off of her he walked to the dresser in the room. Her body went stiff. 'Why didn't I just scream?' She asked herself knowing he was going to do something horrible now, that would scar her for life; both physically and mentally._

_Her thoughts were confirmed when he pulled out a sharp hunting knife. "No, no!" She said in a whimpering cry, this was the time that she would pull her legs up to her chest but now she couldn't. _

"_Oh yes," he laughed flinging his hand to the side, she let out another small cry when she heard the sound the blade whipping out. Smiling he climbed over her once more, straddling her thighs. Pressing the blade to her hip bone, he was glad that he had starved her. It made his carving so much easier now that a lot of her bones were visible. "I told you to scream," he hissed, dragging the blade. _

_She clenched her jaw and stared blankly up at the ceiling, she felt like he was ripping her body apart from every direction. She could feel the rope burning her ankles every time she moved, her blood rushing down her wrists, the cuts on legs opening as he placed his full weight on her. But she was not going to do it. She was not going to make a single noise._

"_Still think you're all that?" He asked in a chuckle, he ran the blade from the spot on her hip to the underside of her breast. But he didn't break skin this time, he just pressed hard enough to make a bright pink line. _

_He flattened himself over her body, leaning to one side on his elbow. He ran the blade from her cheekbone down to her jaw, to her collar bone. But she kept strong staring at the ceiling, tears silently pouring from her eyes. _

"_All you had to do was scream," he said simply, stopping the knife from moving any further. She hated this, she hated when he was start to get nice. When he would act like he cared. "I don't want to hurt you," he said softly attaching his lips to her pulse point, he trailed his tongue from her neck to below her ear. "I could kill you right now," he told her pressing the blade into the other side of her neck._

"_Don't!" She said before she could stop herself. "Please, just stop?" She asked him, then against all goods she turned and looked at him. In the eyes. She went against everything that she has ever learned, she was on her own at this moment._

_Dropping the knife so that it was resting beside her on the bed, he reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her head. "Why's that sweetie?" He asked breathing against her lips._

"_I can get you off," she said nodding, swallowing the bile that was starting to rise in her throat. _

"_Really?" He asked arching an eyebrow. Never in his life had one of his girls turn him on the way Olivia did, just her breathing did it for him. But if she wanted to do more, he wasn't going to stop her._

"_I know what you like," she whispered her tongue darting out to lick her dry, cracked lips. As soon as she said it she instantly regretted going down this road. 'How could I be so stupid?' She thought to herself as she felt Lewis run his hands up her legs again. _

"_Why don't you show me?" He growls, sending his alcohol scented breath up her nostrils. _

"_Well why don't you loosen these handcuffs, or take them off," she began, her voice getting higher with fear. _

"_Oh, you would like that wouldn't you?" He spat, getting close to her face. He was mad now, she was trying to play him. He grabbed the knife, and was about to slide it across her chest when he felt her lips attach to his. _

_She couldn't believe what she had just done, she should have let him kill her. Now she's laying here, bound to the bed, and kissing him. _

_He dropped the knife, and placed his hands on either sides of her face. This was the best moment of his life, and he was going to take control of it. He plunged his tongue into her mouth, causing her whole body to tense up. His tongue shot to the back of her throat, causing her to gag. She pulled back, letting what she had just done sink in._

'_Did I just surrender?'_

"No, Elliot, I can't," she cried as she jumped out of the bed, ignoring all of the pain that was coursing through her body. She knew that telling him what happened would help her heal, but right now, it felt like it was breaking her even more.

As she got out of the bed, her foot got tangled in the sheets, causing her to fall to the floor, hard. She let out a loud cry knowing she probably ripped a stitch but didn't care at the moment. She started to get back to her feet, but kept failing.

"Olivia!" Elliot shouted rushing to her side to help her up, he held her in his arms even though she was pushing away from him. He felt bad for pushing her so hard tonight.

"Elliot, I'm going to puke! Let go of me!" She cried giving him a hard shove then fleeing to the bathroom. She slammed the door closed behind her not wanting him to see her like this, and fell to the floor in front of the toilet.

_A/N: Well, I can't get a hold of Ilianna sooo... I guess she has nothing to say for this chapter. Anyway, just so you all know most of this chapter was her work. She did an amazing job! We could use some ideas? Anyone wanna guess what happens next? _

Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Snapchat, WattPad, FF- Lillybug991


	6. Chapter 6

Elliot walked into the bathroom when he finally heard her heaves start to stop. "Liv…" He whispered as he saw her there, laying on the hard floor beside the toilet, crying.

"Go away. I don't want you to see me like this," she sobbed, turning to her side clutching her stomach and letting out a whimper. She was relishing in the coldness of the porcelain floor.

"I just want to help you," he whispered, holding in the tears that formed at his eyes. '_I should have never asked her to continue. Why don't I know when to stop?'_ He asked himself as he kneeled down beside her.

"I know," she sighed trying to calm her ragged breathing. She attempted to sit up but as she placed her hand on the floor she slid, her upper body falling back to the floor causing her to cry out. Elliot looked down wonder why she fell if the floor wasn't wet, that's when he noticed blood. He didn't remember that being there when he walked in. Olivia followed his eyes when she noticed how big they went.

"Elliot, I just ripped the stitch," she told him wincing as she continued to sit up on her own, being careful this time. Her body was already throbbing with pain. "El, I can't move," she whispered from her spot in the floor. After trying a few time she still couldnt muster up enough upper body strength to pull herself up.

"Okay, okay," he said taking a deep breath and trying to stay calm. Grabbing the back of his shirt, he pulled it over his head. "Are you going to let me carry you?" He asked making sure that she could see what he was doing to her legs, he didn't to scare her anymore after that horrible flashback. He couldn't imagine the pain that she was feeling.

"Whatever," she sighed lying lifelessly on the floor, not even bothering to look at him. She hated feeling like this. _Weak_. "I'm not going to the hospital though," she stated, looking up at him with a glare knowing that was what he was going to make her do. She couldn't bare sitting in those horrible beds, with horrible doctors; and then the worst part, the poking, and prodding.

"Oh, you're going to the hospital!" He stated as he lifted her petite frame from the floor. "Then when we get back home you are eating because there is no way a grown woman should be as light as a child."

She momentarily froze hearing him call his place home, maybe he was right though. She was here and she had no intention on leaving for a while. '_It doesnt really matter where I am I guess, if he is here I am safe. It is home,' _she thought, feeling the pain that shot through her leg brought her from her thoughts

"I said _no_ Elliot." she muttered, crying out when her leg flexed. She was trying to stress the fact that this wasn't a discussion, she was not going. That was that.

"I'm sorry Liv, but we need to do what is best for your body," he told her with just as much determance. He set her on the bed not worry about the blood that was going to stain his white sheets. He walked to the dresser and started rifling through drawers. "If you are going to throw up this much and sweat off all of your weight, you need to eat you need the nutrients."

"That's right, it is _my_ body, and I feel fine! You can't tell me what to do when it comes to _me_, I know what is best for me!" She exclaimed, trying to get him to believe the words that she was saying, though she didn't really believe any of them herself. '_Maybe if he believes, I will?'_ "So stop talking to me like a child!" She snapped throwing a bed pillow at him, he turned and looked at her strangely.

"Olivia-" he said shocked at her response.

"No!" She yelled, she was done with his crap about how she should live. "You don't think that I know my body is as weak as I am!? You don't think that I'm trying to get better? I'm fucking trying, Elliot!"

"Liv I never sa-"

"Shut the fuck up Elliot," she said rolling her eyes at him, she was done with discussion. "I am not going to the doctor!"

"Stop acting so stubborn," he replied with a small sigh. Grabbing what he needed from the dresser he made his way to her.

Kneeling down in front of her he gently took her ankle in his hand, and was relieved when she didn't fight his help. He slowly slid the shorts up her leg being extra careful for her knee. Once he was at thigh level his eyes locked on the same thing it always did, _weak. _It was there haunting him. Her. He scolded himself for being offended by the word when she was the one who had to wear it.

"That's what I am talking about," she kicked him slightly ignoring the pain that shot up her leg as he looked over the word again. He looked up at her shocked at how difficult she was being. "I'm not acting childish Elliot. I don't want people looking at me like _that_."

"Like what?" He questioned.

"The way you just did!"

He looked down, trying to recover from the stinging words that came out of her mouth. He tried to hide the look of heartbreak when he would change or bathe her. "I don't look at you any differently," he said quick to defend, he help finish pulling up her shorts.

"You do though," she sighed, he continued to fasten her shorts. She reached out and pressed her hand against his cheek trying to get his attention, once he finished his eyes went to hers. "Please don't make me go?" She begged, hoping that this would make him see how badly that she didn't want to go.

He could see the pain in her eyes and he wanted so to tell her that she didn't have to go, that he could cure her pain. But he couldn't, the best thing he could do for her was prevent her from feeling it, though he was failing at the part. He was causing her more pain then he was saving her from.

He got up from his kneeling position on the floor in front and sat on the bed next to her. He wanted to be eye level with her when he spoke, he wanted her to see how important it was for her to do this.

Her hand moved with him, and she turned so that she could face him. Though it hurt her knee to have the side of it pressed against the end of the bed.

"Do this for me," he said, he knew that him saying this was going to upset her. Her hand slid from his cheek to his chest as she pressed softly getting ready to disagree with him. "Do this for me, and I will do whatever you want."

She looked up at him with a blank stare, her hand that was resting on his chest fell to the top his bare upper thigh, that's when he realized that he was only in a pair of boxers. "It should only take an hour tops. I will even use my badge and get you out of there faster." He looked down at her hand when he felt it tighten slightly, then shifted his gaze back up to her eyes.

"You'll do anything for me?" She asked him cocking an eyebrow, considering her options.

"Anything," he whispered resting his hand on top of hers. But even if she had said no he still would do whatever she wanted. He would do anything for her, be anything for her; love her more than anything, though that was for both of them.

"Okay," she nodded pulling her hand away from his warm skin and resting it on top of her leg, she could feel the chill of her skin. She used to produce heat, she used to be able to walk through a room without shivering.

She let her eyes follow him as he pulled out a drawer grabbing a pair of dark grey sweats, he started walking towards her. She was about to ask him why he didn't put a shirt on but was distracted when he lifted her off the bed. She made a hissing noise as her injured leg bent as it rested on his arm. He made his way out the door grabbing his phone and wallet along the way and shoving them into his pocket.

"I hate it when you carry me," she confessed with a small sigh. "I feel like I am incapable of doing anything myself."

"Don't look at it that way," he said leaning against the elevator wall with her in his arms. Her faced was pressed into his chest and her arms tightly wrapped around his neck.

"How do you want me to look at it then?" She murmured against his bare chest, she was so cold and the warmth of his skin cause her comfort in so many ways. '_Maybe that's why he didn't put a shirt on, he knew I would be cold?'_

"You have been working for 15 years of your life, that I know of," he said looking down at her. "You taken care of so many people, you have taken care of me more times than I can count."

"Stop getting shot!" She scolded, her head popping off his chest, though you could hear the humor in her voice.

"Anyway!" He continued in a sing song voice, and they both shared a small laugh thankful for the tension breaker. "Let me make all those times up to you, your not being weak or incapable," he said kissing her forehead. "You are only human, Olivia."

Sighing she nodded into his chest believing his words, she shivered and clung to him tighter as they walked out into the cold night.

Elliot carefully set her in the passenger seat of his car, and shut the door gently, not wanting to shake the car and make Olivia uncomfortable. He knew that Olivia had spent a lot of time in the car with that monster and that could play into effect as to why she didn't want to go to the doctor, she didn't want to get in the car.

"You forgot your shirt," Olivia said, as she buckled herself. She couldn't help but stare at his perfectly chiseled chest. Elliot looked over at her and winked, before starting the car.

She let her eyes close in slight content that she was right, he had done it for her. She stared out the window, though she was doing this for Elliot she was still upset about it and she wanted him to see that.

The only placed she wanted to be was at _home_, in _their _bed. With him laying beside her, holding her as she slept peacefully knowing he was there with her.

They drove in silence the whole way to the hospital, Elliot knew that she was angry but when she was feeling better she was going to thank him.

When they got there Elliot was out of the car in a matter of seconds and was at her side. He opened her door and she went to get out grabbing his arm, but her leg buckled under the pressure. He set her back down inside the car, it was too much of an awkward angle to pick her up.

"I'm going to get you a wheelchair," he told her and started to run towards the entrance before she had a chance to stop him.

Now Olivia was alone, in an empty, dark, parking lot since it was so early in the morning. Even though she knew that Lewis was dead, she still couldnt shake the feeling that he was here, watching her. Waiting to get her.

"Elliot, wai-" She called, but he had already disappeared into the building.

Her eyes began to wander over the parking lot and her heart began to beat faster at the thought of being alone. The last time she was in an empty parking lot was with him…

"_I told you not to scream!" Lewis hissed, whipping around to look at her laying in the back floor of the car. They had just left Olivia's apartment, and Lewis had parked in an abandoned parking lot. They had just encountered a questioning cop, and too bad for him, he didn't make it. At this moment, Lewis was so mad at Olivia he wasn't sure if she would make it to their "special" place. Climbing out of the car he slammed the door and the entire car shook, she closed her eyes in fear of what he was going to do to her._

_He ripped the back door open, staring down at her form. "Get up!" He growled uncuffing her from the door. She lie there limply on the floor, and looked up at him. She knew this was one of his degrading tricks. He got off on the fact that she was struggling. "I said get up!" Her body jolted at his yell. Knowing there was no way out of this, she started to sit up._

_Immediately her mind went dizzy from the drugs and booze, she tried to grab the seat to help pull herself up; but she couldn't do it._

"_You're a good for nothing weak piece of ass!" He hissed climbing into the back with her, he grabbed her waist and ripped her from the floor. She cried out feeling everything in her body disagree with the movement._

"_I'm sorry! Please stop!" She cried out, but he wasn't stopping. Once he finally got her on her back, he straddled her. _

"_At least you have a hot ass," he smirked moving down to straddle her legs, he started to harshly unfasten her pants. He got out of the car and pulled the pants off, then threw them in the parking lot. "Legs for days," he husked sliding his hands up her legs. She let out a cry when his hands ripped down her panties as well, she wanted to reach down to cover herself but whatever he had given her an hour ago made her too weak to move. It was as though she were paralyzed but able to feel everything._

"_Look at you," he hummed biting his lip, staring into the car. "I want nothing more than to fuck the hell out of you, but I want us to wait till I can take my time with you." Hearing this she was slightly relived. "For now we can just play," he laughed climbing back in the car. He grabbed the hem of her shirt and tore it all the way to the top. _

"_You make it so hard to wait," he groaned pulling the bra from her covered breasts, leaving her completely exposed to him._

"_N-" she cried out as he started to fondle her breasts now._

"_They are so full," he said letting out an appreciative hum. "What was it that you were saying darling?" He asked leaning down to lick her nipple._

_She could do nothing but whimper, she tried to speak but for some reason she could no longer form words. She hated when her body would actually react to his touch. There were no worse time then this, when she wanted nothing more than for him to kill her._

"_You like that baby?" He asked against her chest, she wanted to look away but the medication would not allow her movement of her head; so she was forced to watch as he did as he wanted to her body. _

_He kissed down her stomach, he was mad at her but he knew the best way to get back at her was to get her to react when she couldn't stop herself. He knew that all this was the worst thing he could do to someone as strong as Olivia. He was taking control out of her hand._

_He looked up at her with a smirk when he felt goosebumps form on her stomach. "You love it, your body loves it," he said, his tongue dipping into her navel. _

Elliot came rushing back to a sight that broke his heart, Olivia was sitting in the front thrashing her arms around as if someone was attacking her. "Please stop it!" She screamed. He hated seeing her like this, it only ever really happened when she was alone.

That's when his eyes widened, he left her. Alone. In a dark scary parking lot.

Running to the car he let the wheelchair rest against the car. "Liv!" He yelled but she didn't respond, only screamed louder and thrashed harder. He dodged one of swings, that was dangerously close to connecting with his eye.

He was so stupid for leaving her alone, and he knew that. He thought that he was horrible for pushing her too hard earlier but this was worse. This was awful. Seeing her trapped in her own waking dream. He felt like complete shit for being the one who did this to her.

He knew the consequences of trying to wake a victim having a vivid flashback, but he didn't care at the moment. He knew he was being selfish but he couldn't stand seeing her in so much pain.

He put his hands on her shoulders, her hands darted out to hit his chest. He winced but took it, he wrapped his arms around her body and held her close. He placed small kisses on her temple as he pulled her to parking lot ground and whispered soft comforting things into her ear.

Surprisingly, it snapped her back to reality quickly, and she stopped fighting her imagination/him. "Elliot?" She whispered softly, and looking up into his tear filled eyes.

"I'm sorry, Liv. God I am so sorry," he whispered holding her tighter as his tears fell as fast as hers did.

"Don't leave me!" She sobbed clutching him, her arms so tight around his body and his hers that they feared they were slowing down each others breathing.

"Never again," he whispered and picked her up, forgetting all about the wheelchair. He didn't want to ever put her down again. If it meant that every time he set her down she would go into a flashback, he was never letting her leave his arms again.

_A/N: _

Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr- Lillybug991 (If you want my kik go and check out my BIO.. It wont let me post it here!)

-Lilly

Thank you guys for 1K reads! (WattPad) I'm feeling the love, and we are only at six chapters! You guys are awesome! Twitter- _MHButtahz_ Instagram- Stargitay Want my Kik check out my BIO (Only on WattPad, don't have a FF account)

-Ilianna H


	7. Chapter 7

Elliot scratched his head before looking at his watch. _7:13 A.M. _ He huffed, knowing that when Olivia finished getting her wound tended to she wouldn't want to go back to sleep. He knew that she would be too wound up from being cooped up all the time. He wanted to take her out, but with all of her flashback and episodes he was afraid it would be to much for her to handle.

He was broken from his thoughts by a very womanly voice."Mr. Stabler?" She called out, her eyes looked around the room waiting for the person she called to stand. Once she seen a man stand she made her way to him.

"She's okay, right? Did she lose too much blood? Can I take her home?" The questions all falling from his mouth before he could stop them.

"She is fine," the nurse said holding up her hand to stop his questions, then motioned for him to follow her. "We did have to sedate her, she started attacking Dr. Lewis, so we put her under so we could stitch her up without complications," the nurse explained as they made their way towards Olivia's room.

Elliots heart sank when he heard the name of the doctor, he started to think of how she would be when she woke up. He couldn't imagine the things that were running through her head as the man was trying to fix her. "Is she still asleep?" Elliot asked as the approached the door to Olivia's room.

"Yes, but they were mild sedatives so she should be up soon. Do you want me to get her discharge papers ready?"

"Yes, thanks," Elliot smiled at the nurse, then he turned into the room. He seen Olivia laying in the bed, he sat down beside her and noticed that she was in a hospital gown instead of her short and t-shirt.

He watched as she stirred slightly and her eyes opened, first they were wide, then when she seen Elliot her body started to relax. He reached out and moved hair from her face, she slowly blinked and smiled at his gesture.

"I would have gotten you a different doctor if I knew his name, Liv… I'm sorry," he whispered, taking her hand in his. "I am so sorry."

He couldn't help but feel guilty for all of this happening. He was the one who pushed her too hard, he was the one who left her in that damn parking lot, and he was the one who was stupid enough to let a male doctor, especially with the name Lewis strip, and examine her.

"It's not your fault, El," she replied, her voice sounding scratching and for a moment he wondered if she was yelling at the doctor as well. "I promise," she whispered giving his head a reassuring squeeze.

He smiled at her and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, when he pulled back he noticed the light blush on her face. "You're so beautiful," he commented, earning an eye roll.

She started to sit up, he rested his hand on her back and gave her the extra push that she needed. "I'm sure," she scoffed. "Was it the matted hair? Or the bruised cheek?"

"Well it sure as hell wasn't the attitude," he chuckled, kissing the side of her head as the nurse came in with the the discharge papers.

As Elliot sighed the papers for her discharge, Olivia nervously glanced around the room. She was glad to see it was only the nurse that had brought the papers, she was terrified that he would come back. It wasn't that the man looked like Lewis, he just reminded her of him. The way that he came at her with so many sharp objects, the deepness of his voice, then all the people around him that were calling him Lewis didn't help.

The nurse nodded her thanks as she motioned to the chair and exited the room, Olivia looked at it and bit her lip. Elliot watched and knew she didn't want to ride in that chair to the front of the building. They could talk about it in a moment, for now he helped her back into her cloths.

As he pulled her shirt down over her head, she leaned close enough so that she could whisper into his ear. "I really don't want to go out in a wheelchair."

"I'll carry you to the car, okay?" She nodded and wrapped her arm around his neck allowing him to pick her up bridal style.

"_I'll do anything you want."_ His words echoed through her head as she rested it on his chest.

One week later:

They had done nothing but sit on the couch and watch movies and plain television. Olivia was cuddled up into Elliot's side, her hand resting on his shoulder, as the love scene started to play on the movie. '_When did every movie start to include some type of sex scene?' _Was the one thought that kept running through their heads.

She felt how every time one of these scenes came on he would tense and try to move from her touch, she knew it was because of Lewis. She hated that Elliot acted this way towards her because of _him. _She wondered what life would be like if she hadn't been taken, or attacked, or… She shook her head and pulled away from him as she stopped her thoughts from running too far.

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked muting the tv and looking over at her, he could see worry in her eyes and for a moment thought she fell into another flashback.

"Would, would you still be here had he not taken me?" Olivia asked him, her eyes full of fear. Sighing, he dropped the remote and turned to face her. "Never mind," she told him shaking her head as she looked down at her lap. "Don't bother answering that."

"Don't do that," he said reaching out and taking her hands into his.

"Do what?" She asked her voice cracking, as she stared at their hands. She had a strong feeling that if she were to look him in the eyes she would start to cry.

"You can ask me anything Olivia," he said softly rubbing their hands together. "And yes, I always planned on coming back. You didn't really think that I could stay away from you did you?"

"I.. I don't know what I thought Elliot," she whispered pulling her hands from his. "I don't know anything any more."

"Olivia, don't go there," he told her watching as she started to fill with doubt, he wasn't quite sure what type of doubt, but she was about to overflow with it.

"Don't go where Elliot? Don't realize that I will never be the person I used to be? You do know that; right?" She asked looked up at him with a straight face, there were a few tears rolling down her face but she chose to ignore them. "You do know that I am never going to be.. Olivia again. I'll be, I am, just a shell Elliot. I don't feel, and when I do it's nothing but pain. I hurt, all the time. It has nothing to do with the cuts, the scars, the burns. I hurt when I _look_ at them."

"Liv I don't expect you to be the exact same person after what you went through."

"I don't think that's true," she said in a bitter chuckle biting her lip. "Elliot I want you to kiss me, I want you to take me to your room and make love to me." She watched him as she said these things. "If I told you to do that right now, what would you say to me?"

"Olivia," he sighed reaching out for her hands again but she snatched them away.

"What would you say to me?" She sneered.

"I would tell you to wait till you're completely sure-"

"I'm sure Elliot."

"Liv," he sighed again watching her wipe her tears away.

"See that's, that's what I am talking about Elliot. I don't want you to have to think about it, I don't want you to "make sure" that I am ready. I just want to do it. With you." She stood from the couch and moved so that she was standing right in front of him.

"Olivia," he gasped watching as she pulled her shirt over her head. '_Why was she acting like this?' _He wondered. '_Maybe it was her pain meds, they seem to make people a little loopy. I would know after all the times I had to take them.'_

"Have sex with me Elliot," she begged, her pride flying out the window along with her dignity.

"You don't want this," he said with surety as he stood as well, grabbing her shirt from the floor he tried to put it back on her. She snatched it out of his hands and threw it across the room.

"I want this," she breathed, reaching up and cupping his face in her hands. "I want you, and I want you to want me."

"I will always want you Olivia." He covered her hands in his.

"I want you to want me, even though I am broken, even though I will never be able to give myself to you completely. Love me! Love me because I never will love myself. Please?" She was crying now, tears sliding down her face as she begged him to love her.

He was so confused, he wanted her, she had to know that he wanted and loved her. He would always love her, flaws, scars everything. But he knew she wasn't ready for this, hell, he wasn't ready for this. "I love you Olivia," he said leaning down and kissing her, it wasn't exactly what she wanted. It was just quick simple and straight to the point. "I love you so much."

"Then do this," she pleaded grabbing the back of his neck and pulling his face down to hers. She pressed her lips to his, harder.

And once again, against all of his better judgment he lifted her up. Her legs wrapped around his waist as his lips moved against hers, her arms tightening against the back of his neck. She moaned as his tongue slid against hers, and then she let out a sigh of content when he gently laid her on the bed.

_A/N: _

_I love that you guys enjoy this story, it's really amazing seeing how far this story has come. You guys are all amazing. Also, next chapter starts out good but be ready for some crazy stuff! _

_Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr- Lillybug991_

_-Lilly_

_Thank you guys so much, your reviews and comments are so inspiring and it means the world to me that all of you enjoy this story as much as Lilly and I do. :)_

_Instagram- Stargitay_

_-Ilianna H._


	8. Chapter 8

Keep in mind we update every Monday and Thursday!

He was being as soft as possible with her, though her body had dramatically healed, he knew her mind hadn't. Moving a stray piece of hair out of her face he placed a small kiss under her ear and felt her body tense up under his touch.

"Olivia if you're not-"

"No," she whispered reaching up and cupping his face in her hands. "Just, can you tell me you love me?" She asked in a shy whisper, her eyes drifting closed in embarrassment. Never once had she asked a guy to tell her that they loved her, normally it was the other way around for her.

His breath hitched hearing the vulnerability in her voice. "I love you, Liv. So very much," he told her kissing the palm of her hand that was still resting on his cheek. She smiled and nodded, her eyes filling up with tears. Happy tears. Relieved tears.

He leaned down and placed a slow kiss on her lips, then pulled back to see that she had let her eyes close. He leaned back down again and let his kiss linger a few more moments. "I will always love you, Olivia." The words falling from his mouth so calmly, you would think he had been saying them for years.

"Show me," she whispered looking up at him with a content smirk and she pulled down lightly on the back of his neck, making his lips meet hers again. But it was deeper this time, she could feel it everywhere in her body.

She felt his hand slide down her frame, it lingered on her stomach for a moment. Goosebumps formed under his touch and she let out a shuddering breath as she rested her head back against the pillow allowing him to do as he pleased with her body. She trusted him completely, and _needed_ him to know that.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered against the skin of her chest, he trailed open mouth kisses on her silken cleavage till he met his destination. She let out a small gasp let her hand move from the back of his neck to the top of his head, and she pressing slightly.

She hummed in appreciation feeling his hand move down her legs now, bringing her shorts with it. She let out a not so happy groan when he pulled his mouth from her breast to continue pulling her shorts from her body. She looked down at him as he placed soft kisses up her legs.

Her breath got caught in her throat as he placed a kiss on the word _weak. _She closed her eyes and laid still, stiffly, on the bed. She knew he why he was being so affectionate with her, but he didn't have to take it so far.

As he moved up her body, she began to feel more and more uneasy. "Talk to me so I know it's you and not…" She trailed off in a shaky voice, feeling his hands move to her waist.

"I love you Olivia," he said again, hooking his fingers in the side of her boy-cut panties. She swallowed and nodded, letting him know that she heard him and that she was ready. She held her breath as he slid them down her legs with ease.

This made her think of how happy she was to have those stitches out, and her wounds healed, or very close to it. Then again, if Lewis had never hurt her she wouldn't have to be happy about something like that. '_Dammit!' _She mentally scolded herself for letting him in her mind. '_I am not doing this right if he is still there, in the back of my mind,' _she thought.

She stopped thinking for a moment and looked down at him, he was paying very close attention to her legs. For a moment she wondered why, but then shook her head not caring.

"Come here," she whispered at him, and when he looked up at her she let out the breath she was holding.

"I love you Olivia," he repeated climbing up her body, placing an open mouth kiss on her stomach. Nodding she slid her legs up the side of his, but she felt that he was still wearing his sweats. She sat up slightly and dipped her fingers into the side of his pants and pulled them as low as she could, then laid back down.

She slowly blinked and looked up at him with an innocent smile as she hooked her toes into the band and pulled them the rest of the way down. He raised an eyebrow but she just smirked and reached up, attaching her lips to his.

"Hmm," she hummed into the kiss feeling his hand slide from her knee up to her hip, pulling her leg up and letting it rest on his hip. Opening her to him slightly. She gasped into their kiss feeling his fingers brush over her mound.

"I love you Olivia," he said breaking the kiss so that he could look her in the eyes, letting her know that it was him, no one else. She bit her lip, and moaned feeling him slide a thick finger gently into her wetness. "I love you so much Olivia," he breathed against her ear, placing kisses all over her neck.

She let out a soft cry feeling him insert another finger, it slid in with ease since she was already ready for him. She figured he was just testing her to make sure that she actually wanted this with him.

"El, please," she begged with a soft whimper. He looked down at her, unsure. He wanted her… He wanted her so bad. But he just wished he knew what was going on in her mind, because he knew what was going on in his_._

'_Is she doing this to please me? Is she doing this to forget? Is she doing this because she thinks she owes it to me?'_

Aligning himself with her entrance, he reached up and cupped her cheek. "Olivia look at me," he said, no demand in his voice. He knew her captor would use strict voices with her, he did not want to do that. Her eyes blinked open slowly as they focused on his. "I love you Olivia. Me, Elliot Stabler. I love you. This is you and me."

A few tears sliding down her temple into her hairline, a happily sad smile covered her lips as she kissed him. "You and me," she whispered back taking a deep breath.

"Are you still sure? We can stop Olivia," he told her, he knew he was probably pissing her off second guessing all of her decisions, but he wanted her to be sure. "Please know that I won't be mad at you if you want to stop..."

"I know that Elliot, god, I know that," she nodded frantically. "That's why I want to do this." He blankly stared at her, surprised she was letting him in. Even if it was only a little bit, he was still thankful for that. "I trust you Elliot. You will be the only man I will ever be able to trust, be able to touch and make love to me. Though I will never be able to give myself to you fully, I love you and I do trust you!" She stressed "So please, break the last border that is sitting between us?"

Nodding, relieved with her answer, he kissed her again. Then once again repeated, "I love you Olivia," as he slid in.

Gasping, everything in her body tightened, and her nails dug deeper into the back of his shoulders. She let out a strangled moan as she arched slightly and pressed her head back into the pillow. She didn't want to break eye contact with him, but she couldn't stop herself from closing her eyes, tightly.

He let out a quiet groan as he slid in completely. This was the moment they had waited for their entire friendship. "I love you Olivia," he whispered into her hair at the side of her neck.

"I love you too," she cried out as he pulled out then slide back in. "Oh god," she moaned, her body shuddering; but for the first time, it wasn't out of fear.

He kept his pace slow, but deep. Allowing her to feel every inch of him, he nipped at her neck. But he kept them light, so light there wouldn't even be a red spot. He knew what that _thing _had done to her was, he saw photos, then he saw the real thing. He didn't want to do anything that would remind her of that moment.

She cried out when he lifted her leg higher allowing him to move deeper into her. He picked up his pace and she bit her lip to try and hold in her cries. She was close and she knew he could feel her getting closer. She threw her head back and let her eyes drift shut, running her hands up Elliot's back.

"_You like that?" he growled into her hair._

Her eyes snapped open, wondering if Elliot had said that or if it was just her mind playing tricks on her. She closed her eyes again, trying to shake _him _out of her head. As she moaned, she also heard Elliot growl.

"_I feel you clenching," he chuckled into her hair, biting her neck._

Her body stilled, something Elliot noticed but not in time. "No," she whispered, tearing falling down her cheeks as she started fighting. "No!" She yelled.

"_You love feelin me inside you," he laughed pinning her down to the bed._

"I hate you!" She cried out fighting against Elliot, not knowing it was Elliot. "I fucking hate you, stop touching me!" And with one swift shove Elliot was off of her and on the floor. She brought her legs to her chest, grabbing the pillows behind her and covering herself the best she could.

He sat in the floor in shock, he knew it wasn't really him that she was talking to but he felt as though her words were directed to him. He watched as she cried, sob, into the top of her knees. Her body shaking so hard he was afraid she was seizing.

He hated himself right now. He hated himself as much as she hated that bastard. He knew she wasnt ready. But he did it anyway. '_Why the hell did I do it?' _He yelled at himself, but then his face softened. '_Because she asked me to, and I would do anything for her.'_

He looked up at Olivia, still sobbing, and let his own tears fall down his face as well.

_Oh man, don't hate us! **Not** the next chapter but the one **after** that will be good, promise! *kisses* We really hope that you guy's are enjoying this story, and to let you know Ilianna and I love working together sooo very much that we are now working on a **one-shot **__series! I will let you guys know when we post it!_

_Oh hey, also, remember it's not just me that's writing this story. When you guys review Ilianna sees them, so if you ever want to say anything to her, you can say them in the reviews I will make sure that she gets them!_

_Instagram, twitter, tumblr- Lillybug991 -Meeee_

_Instagram- Stargitay -Ilianna_


	9. Chapter 9

"Olivia, please come out of the bathroom," Elliot sighed knocking on the door again, when he got no response he ran his hand down his face in frustration. For the last forty five minutes she had been telling him to leave her alone. After everything happened she ran to the bathroom, and before Elliot could stop her she had the door shut and locked. He was scared. "Liv please!"

"I swear to god Elliot!" She practically seethed through the door. "If you do not leave me the hell alone I will shoot you!" She snapped. She grabbed the closest thing to her, which happened to be a bottle of shampoo, and chucked it at the door. "Go the fuck away!"

"Don't be like this Olivia, please talk to me," he pleaded, jumping when he had heard the sound of something bouncing off the door.

Harshly wiping the tears from her face she stood, clutching to towel closer to her body so that nothing was showing. She walked to the door, she took a deep and unsteady breath and ripped the door open again.

He jumped when the door swung open, but was relieved that she had finally come out of the bathroom."Liv-"

"Give me your phone," she demanded, holding her hand out as the other clutched the towel closed. He frowned but walked to go and retrieve it.

"Liv, what are you doing?" He asked her dropping the phone in her hand, but instead of her answering him she just slammed the door in his face. He slid down to the floor and pressed his ear against the door, listening.

"Can you just... " Olivia let out a ragged breath as she spoke softly into the phone.

"_He is dead Olivia," Melinda said through the phone, she knew this is what Olivia needed but she hated that she had to be the one to do it for her. It killed her when she heard Olivia cry. It killed everyone. "One bullet to the left temple."_

"Thanks Mel," Olivia whispered, she was about to hang up when she heard Melinda continue to talk.

"_How is it over there? Is Elliot helping?" She asked fearing the well-being of her friend._

"It's.." Olivia choked on her voice for a moment. "Everything is.. Fine."

"_Liv, honey you can come back whenever you want to. If anything you can stay with me," she told her friend. She didn't think that Olivia leaving with Elliot was the best idea but she wasn't going to tell Olivia no after everything that had happened._

"Thank you Mel, really," Olivia sighed into the phone wiping her face with the towel. "But I'm okay here. Things are good," she said. She knew she was lying but she just wasnt ready to go back she thought telling Melinda that things were good that it would be easier than saying no.

"_Call whenever Olivia, I am here for you. So are the guys, you know they really miss you," Melinda told her. She has had a lot of suicide patients on her table and she didn't want Olivia to be one of them, and she was scared that Olivia could fall that low. By telling her that there were people that loved her and missed them would mean a lot to someone in Olivia's condition._

"I really miss them too," Olivia said softly. She did. Those men have been her life for _years _now and being away from them as long as she had was upsetting. But she just wasn't ready to go back yet. "Will you tell them that? That I miss them?"

"_Of course I will Olivia," Melinda said into the phone hearing the crack in Olivia's voice. "Fin is here with me now, do you want to talk to him?"_

"No!" Olivia said quickly. "I mean now isn't a good time," Olivia told her, though she missed them and all, she was afraid what they would think of her and she wasnt ready to hear their voice.

"_Alright sweetie, take care of yourself."_

"You too Mel." With that Olivia ended the call and dropped the phone to the floor beside her.

"Can I come in now?" Elliot asked through the door.

Letting out a deep breath and making sure the towel covered her body, Olivia said, "Yeah whatever."

Twisting the knob he let out a relieved sigh when the door wasn't locked, he pushed the door open and just stood in the entryway.

"What, do I look as shitty as I feel?" She scoffed wiping her face again. It was starting to annoy her that no matter how many times she cleared her face, tears would just keep showing up.

"You look beautiful Olivia," he told her as he sat in the floor beside her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder hoping to give her some comfort.

"Why would you want to touch me after what I did to you?" She asked crying again and shaking her head. She felt so bad for telling him she was ready, for putting him in that position, only to prove herself wrong.

"Oh Liv," he whispered pulling her into his arms, he was glad that she wasnt so mad at herself that she wouldn't let him hold her. "What happened in there will not affect the way I feel about you. I still love you, I will forever love you." He kissed the top of her head when he felt a few of her tears roll down his bare chest. "I want to touch you, and I'll never _not_ want to touch you…"

"Just say it," she said pulling her face off his chest, and then once again wiping her eyes. "I'm a big girl Elliot."

"Liv you weren't ready," he sighed, reaching up and wiping the tears from her face this time.

"So in other words, you told me so?" She asked rolling her eyes. He shook his head and let out another sigh, he knew how much her being able to take this further meant to her. He wanted to be the one that helped her, he just needed to think around the flashbacks.

"I have an idea," he said standing, he held his hand out for her to grab. She looked at him like he was crazy but she trusted him so she took his hand and allowed him to pull her from the bathroom. He walked into the bedroom and set her down on the end of the bed.

"What are you doing?" She asked watching as he turned on the bedside lamps, then walked to the door and closed it before turning on the bedroom lights. "El?" She questioned again, but he continued to ignore her. He closed the bathroom door then walked to the window and flipped the shades, then closed the curtains. "Elliot answer me!" She spat, feeling the worry coat her body.

"I know how bad you want this, and I know you think you are ready," he said sitting down on the bed beside her once everything was closed off and the lights were bright.

"I am ready, I'm sorry about what happened but-"

"I believe you Liv," he said, she frowned confused at what he was saying. If he believed her why did he keep saying no?

"Then…"

"I think we are going at this wrong," he explained, and her frown deepened. "I know _he _took control away from you-"

"El," she sighed cutting him off, she did not want to talk about _him _right now.

"Hear me out," he said kissing her forehead and taking her hands in his, she nodded and looked up at him. "You need to be in control of this Olivia, we move at your pace. We do what you want, when you stop we stop."

"So you want me to do all the work?" She smirked hoping to lighten the mood, seeing the smile that covered his lips made it worth it.

"Ha ha," he laughed rolling his eyes. "But I guess, yeah, you are right. I want you to do all of the work. I want you to do whatever you want to me, and I will only do what _you _say."

"And you think it will work?" She eyed him, then looked down at the floor, vulnerability clear in her voice.

"I think if we maintain eye contact, and I talk to you," he said smiling as he raised her face so that she was looking at him. "And if you are as sure as you say, I think we can do this."

"El, you have to know that even before um.. Before everything happened with _him _I was never in control in the bedroom," she confessed, she wanted to look down but did as he said and kept eye contact.

"So what are you saying?" he asked confused, he wasn't necessarily shocked at the fact she wasn't in charge in the bedroom but he kinda always imagined her being the one calling the shots.

"I'm nervous," she said swallowing, redness filled her cheeks.

He couldn't help but want to melt at how adorable she was, he knew when she said she was nervous that it had nothing to do with Lewis. It was her being nervous about being with him, and it warmed his heart.

"Since when have I made you nervous?" he joked tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Since the day we met," she said with a soft scoff. "Every time you would touch me, or when you would," she bit her lip to stop her running mouth and smirked at her thoughts. "All the time," she concluded.

"It's just me and you Liv, no one else is here with us. You, we, can do whatever we want," he told her, he wanted to know what she was going to say but held off on asking.

"You're really going to give me your control?" She asked tilting her head to the side.

"I love you Olivia, and I completely trust you." He assured not missing a beat.

She nodded and let out a deep breath through her nose, reached up and cupped his cheek. She let it rest on his face for a moment as she continued to stare him in the eye and make sure that he was ready for this, she liked the fact that it was the other way around now. That she had to worry about him being ready instead of him being worried for her.

Taking one more deep breath, she let her hand drop from his face and stood. For a moment he was worried he wasn't going at this the right way, that he scared her, but she changed his thoughts when she let the towel drop from her body.

_So I am working on a new story, Olivia and Elliot are in their early twenties. They arent cops, so it will be A/U but you guys like when I write A/U so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Anyway, Olivia writes music for someone. She has stage fright so she can't preform her own music, but everyone loves her music, they just don't know its hers. Elliot knows she has an amazing voice and wants it to be heard; so he is going to do whatever it takes to get her in her rightful spot in the middle of the stage. Only problem is, what he does to get her there, might cost him their relationship. _

_Does that sound interesting at all? Would any of you want to read that? Lol_

_Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr- Lillybug991 _-Meeee

_Instagram- Stargitay _-Ilianna


	10. Chapter 10

Elliot's eyes widened as he drank in every curve and dip of Olivia's stunning body. "You are so beautiful, Olivia." He used her full name letting her know just how much that he meant it.

She bit her lip and looked down at the floor, breaking their gaze. She knew he was being sweet and that he was trying to make her comfortable. Make this whole experience normal, when there was nothing normal about it. "El," she whispered, shaking her head. "I don't feel beautiful..." she sighed looking down at her scarred, and flawed body starting to feel self-conscious.

"You are the most beautiful thing in the world Olivia," Elliot assured her. Continuing to chew on her lip she looked at him and smiled, letting his words sink in. '_If he believed it so much, why shouldn't I?' _She asked herself.

Taking a deep breath she moved closer to Elliot, who was still sitting at the edge of the bed. "I love you, Olivia. Remember, you can stop when you want," he told her. "This is all you." He made sure that they were looking eachother straight in eye, he wanted her to know that she was safe with him.

"I know El, you have made that very clear," she said smirking at him a little. "But I want this, and I want it with you." He nodded letting her know that he was ready when she was.

She straddled his lap, their graze getting closer and deep. But she broke it to look down at his lips. She glanced up at his eyes one more time, and seen that he looked very sure, so she did it. She placed her lips on his.

She let her fingers play with the small hairs at the back of his neck as she kissed him softly, romantically. He let his hands rest awkwardly on the bed beside his thighs, he wanted to wrap them around her and pull her flush against him but waited for her demands.

Sensing his caution, she grabbed his hands and placed them on her hips, then returned her hands back to their spot on the back of his neck. She let her tongue run along the seam of his lips and let out a relieved moan when he opened his mouth to her.

Their tongues danced softly against one another's, neither fighting for dominance. They were just kissing. She pulled her mouth from his with a soft whimper. He sat there and awaited her next move, he couldn't take his eyes off of her. The way that she let her tongue dart out and graze her kiss stained lips.

Standing, she grabbed his hands and pulled him up with her this time. "Take them off," she whispered place a soft kiss on his chest and let her fingers play with the waistband of his boxers so that he knew what she meant.

When she heard the soft plopping noise of the clothing item hit the floor, she placed her hands firmly against his chest. She let her fingers knead the skin for a moment, then she looked up into his eyes. "Lay down," she whispered kissing him softly on the underside of his jaw.

He nodded at her and turned towards to bed. He sat down in the middle of the bed and watched her for a moment. "Things stop when you stop," he reminded her, laying back as she began to make her way up his body.

"Nothing is stopping," she whispered shaking her head. "I want this." She was proud of herself for being able to say that without a single ounce of worry in her voice.

He let a small moaned slide past his lips when she sat on his lap. She bit her lip and lent down, ghosting her lips against his she smiled feeling him squirm under her. She pressed her lips to his, harder than before but it was still full of love. She didn't know if there was more love on his part or hers.

Grinding down on him softly she moved her hands from the spot on the bed beside his head to his chest. She pulled her lips from his with a small sigh, then trailed them down his neck. As her lips worked the skin of his neck, she let her hands work the skin of his body; starting at his chest, she made her way down. Letting her fingertips run softly down his sides, and felt the vibrations against her lips as he let out a soft laugh. She licked her lip then placed an open kiss on his Adam's apple.

'_You can do this,' _she told herself as her hand got closer and closer to its destination. She kissed him one more time, under his ear, then pulled back. She looked him in the eye, just as he had told her to do. Biting her lip, she looked at him and nodded knowing what he wanted.

He reached up and placed his hand on her cheek, his thumb pulling her bottom lip from the clutches of her teeth. As he ran his finger along her lips she told hold of his member, her mouth parted slightly feeling him as aroused as she felt.

Making sure that she was still looking him in the eyes, she said, "I want you." As she spoke she aligned herself with him and waited on his word. Though he had told her that she was in charge she still wanted him to have as much say in this as she did.

"I'm ready when you are Liv," he all but hummed feeling her run the tip of his shaft through her wet folds. He tried so hard not to buck his hips, or take control as she began to slide down on him.

She held her breath as she slid down slowly, she placed her hands back on his chest once he was partly in her so that she could steady herself. "Oh God," she seethed softly. There was only one thing running through her head, and they were all in Elliot's voice. _I love you Olivia. _He was saying them in both her mind and in person.

And as if he could read her thoughts he spoke, "I love you." It came out in a grunt letting her know that he was enjoying this. "Liv, I need… Can I touch you?" He asked moaning letting his fingers lick at the smooth skin of her hip.

She began to make a pace, slow, but long. "Mhmm," she hummed, she lent forward keeping her eyes locked on his. She was going to kiss him but, before she could he bucked into her. No hard, but enough to scare her for a moment. He seen the look in his eyes and knew that instantly he felt horrible, but she shook her head.

"Liv," he whispered in apology as he ran his hands up and down her thighs.

"Don't," she whimpered, moving faster.

The room filled with the sound of their soft cries and skin against skin. The look of ecstasy on her face made him glad that he had thought of this. He should have known. Her being in lack of control for so long, the only thing that she needed was to begin to gain it back.

She was closer and closer to her bliss, but she wasn't quite there. She grabbed his hand and slowly, seductively, slid it from the spot her her waist to her breast; letting him know what she wanted.

Even though she knew what he was going to do, she still gasped when she felt his finger run over her nipple. Her speed began to increase and he was worried that she was hurting herself, he wasn't sure how much energy she would have but it wasn't like he could flip their bodies and take over. He hoped that when it became too much for her that she would tell him.

The small gasps leaving her mouth every time she slid down on him, were making it harder and harder for him to hold on. But when she leant down and attached her lips to his, moaning into the kiss he felt her start to clench around him. He groaned loving the way she tasted, and felt against him.

She could feel the burn in her legs, and though she was close she wasn't sure how much longer she was going to be able to keep going like this. "El…" She whimpered against his lips, she hoped he would know what she meant without having to say anything other than his name.

"Look at me," he murmured, knowing that her legs were starting to hurt, but he wasn't going to do anything till she was looking him in the eye.

She did what he wanted and as soon as she did she let out a loud gasp and her fingernails started to dig into the skin of his chest.

"Elliot," she panted, he was thrusting in and out of her with such speed she thought she was turning to mush.

"So close," He garbled, feeling the heat pulse in his body.

She nodded as her walls began to spasm around him and she could feel the burn in her lower stomach; all of the signs letting her know that she was as close as he was. "Oh God, El," she cried. Hearing her voice reach the pitch that it did sent his hips into hyper speed, doubling what he was doing.

That's when she snapped; all of her fear of being too vulnerable, broken, scared, and uncertain vanished as her climax enveloped her like a warm blanket.

He felt the change in her, the way that her body spasmed and tightened over him sent him over the edge. His grip tightened on her hips trying to warn her that he was ready, he wanted to pull back not sure if she wanted him to let go inside of her. "Liv, I need-" her lips cut him off and she just pressed down into him letting him know what she wanted.

"Holy..." Her voice trailed off as she took in another deep breath. Her body dropped limply onto his. Her mind filled with sound of his rapidly beating heart beat that was matching hers as they came down from their high.

She tilted her head, placing her hand on his chest and then rested her chin on it so that she could look at his face. "Turned out better than I thought," she chuckled kissing his jaw.

"What?" He asked slightly offended but played it off as a joke. "You thought it would be bad?"

"No, God no!" She said quickly seeing the hurt in his eyes. Kissing him softly she pulled back and said, "No, of course not. I just didn't…. I didn't think it would, work.." she sighed.

"Oh honey," he whispered tightening his hold on her. "I love you Olivia, that's why this worked," he told her.

"I love you too El," she said licking her lips and tasting the salt of her tears. "I love you so much."

_One chapter left, will be up on Monday. Olivia tells him what happened. _

_Go check out my new story Music. _

_Instagram, snapchat, twitter, tumblr- Lillybug991 _

_Instagram- Stagitay -Ilianna (WattPad- Ily_Vanilly go and check out her stories!) _


	11. Chapter 11

**GO AND CHECK OUT MY NEW ONE-SHOT SERIES! #SIXWORDCHALLENGE! YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED!**

* * *

Olivia lay contently in Elliots arms, they had been so exhausted when they they finished making love that they just passed out, leaving all the lights on. She buried her face deeper into his neck, inhaling a scent that was pure Elliot. For some reason she couldn't wipe the grin from her face, she was so happy, and it was all thanks to Elliot. It's always thanks to Elliot.

She pulled away slightly and admired his face, he looked so aged; but he had aged gracefully. It was clear he didn't look his age, and she momentarily wondered what age she looked now. After all the beatings she had taken.

She shook her head hating how easy it was for that _thing_ to pop into her head. She looked down at the man beside her again and carefully brought her hand to his cheek. She smiled seeing him unconditionally nuzzle into her touch. "I love you," she whispered so lightly she could barely hear herself. "I love you so much," she continued. "I am so sorry that all of this is so complicated.

"I wish I could make it go away, if not for me, then for you." She pulled her hand away from his face and snuggled back down into his grasp, she heard him let out a small moan as she pressed the side of her face back to his chest and rested her open hand on his lower stomach. "I hate what he did to me," she said once he was still and she was sure he was still asleep. "I hate that he ruined me, making it so that I can't give myself to you completely. The worst part is the way that he did _it_.

"It was so awful El," she said in a harsh whisper, finally having the nerve to tell him. Or, well, sleeping him. "The way that," she swallowed, but pushed through. "I was laying there completely at his mercy, I was… God… I was completely naked, he was just walking around the bed. Staring at me and taunting me." A few tears were falling from her face and landing on his chest, little did she know was that was what woke him up. "The worst part, was he kept bringing you up… He didn't bring you up _exactly_, but... He knew. The only reason I lasted as long as I did with him is because I was constantly thinking of you.

"He told me that I would… Cry out your name." A soft bitter laugh fell from her lips. "I didn't for the longest time… What good what that do me? I laid there.. I tried not to fight back El, I really did! I knew that was his favorite part but... As soon as he was on top of me, in me." Her eyes closed tightly as she felt the memory start to rise up, but she pushed it down. She wanted to talk about it, _not _relieve it. "I couldn't stop myself, I fought, and I fought hard… Not that it made a difference," she scoffed. "He just kept going…" She seethed through her clenched teeth.

"He would bite me… _Everywhere._ The second time he… He raped me… I woke up, to him… Shoving himself in me, I felt the pain of him, and the cut… I passed out from the first time and thats when he branded me," she told his not really sleeping form. "I guess he was right, I couldn't even handle the _first _time and it was probably the best of the worst. The second time he was… He would do this thing where he would act so calm towards me, I always thought I would be able to talk him into letting me go or at least getting me medical attention, but when I would ask he would just go back to his angry self. Anyway, the second time, he was soft, gentle… I'm not saying that I felt… _loved…_ I just didn't feel, hated. I knew he was bad El… I did, me... But apparently my body didn't," she scoffed, her hand on his stomach tighten as she continued telling him what happened the second time she had been raped.

She was getting angry and he could tell, but he didn't say anything or even move.

"He would touch me… Much like the way that you did last night," she admitted, and for a moment she thought she felt his body tense up but figured she was just gripping his skin to tightly so she let up. "It felt… Good. It was awful El. I hated every minute of it, but... My body didn't. He would grunt like you, and… And kiss my body like you, and he would say these… These sweet things." She took a deep breath and swallowed back her sob.

"After he was done the second time, he went out; I don't know where, and I didn't care. But he was gone for almost a whole day." Her fingers ran through the short hairs on his chest, mindlessly. Somehow it comforted her, and she continued, "When he came back he made me drink more vodka, and eat this gross stuff that was supposed to keep you full all day. After I ate, he did it again. It was like he..." She stopped, trying to find the right words.

"It was like once he _got_ me... He couldn't stop doing it. Most of the time it was rough, and it… God it hurt so bad. But then on days where he would come back from god knows where, he would be so gentle..."

His heart ached for her. He wanted so badly to touch her, and hold her and kiss her and tell her that Lewis is dead and he can't hurt her anymore, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to move. He was frozen; frozen with fear, anger, sadness, confusion.

Her tears dripped onto his skin. They were hot and it burned, only because they were tears that she should not have to _ever_ shed.

"Elliot, I cried for you, just like he said I would. I screamed your name out while he raped me; hoping and praying to God that _you_ would hear me and come rescue _me_." She nuzzled her head into his chest, feeling his warm body protect her from her mind. "But you didn't hear me. No one did," she whispered, she let out a strangled sigh then pulled herself from his grasp. When she sat up she wasn't surprised to see that his eyes were wide open.

"Liv," he whispered, reaching out for her but she shook her head. She blinked a few times, the action pushed a few tears out.

"I'm going to take a shower," she told him, standing. She walked to the end of the bed and grabbed her towel that she had been wearing before they made love. She stared at him for a moment, this was not how she planned the _morning after_ she finally slept with Elliot. "I would really like you to join me." That's the last thing she said before she turned and walked out of the room, and into the bathroom. It was the only sign she gave him, and she hoped that he could still read her the same way that he used to.

Elliot was shocked, for so many reasons. But he was so proud, she had done the two _main_ things that they both feared she would never be able to do. One, tell him about the rape and two, let him love her. He wasn't going to lose her.

He knew that if he sat there too long she would think that he didn't want anything to do with her anymore. So he quickly jumped from the bed, not bothering to cover himself. He walked into the bathroom steam already filling it.

He knew she wasn't going to be_ completely_ okay for a long time, but the point was, she would be. At some point, she would be _okay_. _They_ would be okay.

**The End**

_A/N: Guys, I am so sorry it took me so long to post this. I kept meaning to but then I got sick, I have strep throat and I feel like I could die! It's like I am swallowing broken glass! But the way I feel outside has no competition with the way I feel inside. I am just so full of stress at the moment, that's why I am taking a break from all my stories (Except the new on #SixWordChallenge, if you haven't checked that out I suggest you do. And send in a request!) _

_Also, for those of you who were excited for Alex (The Congressman) and I to write a story together, I am sorry to tell you that we are no longer going to do that. We haven't really been on the best level lately; we kinda had a falling out, but he is also having problems with his grandparents and their illness. I am sorry, I really am. All this bad news.. I feel like an angel of darkness! _

_So, I hope you guys enjoyed this story. Ilianna and I had an amazing time writing it! When we find another amazing idea we are going to start another story together, I don't know when that will be. I want to finish my stories before I start anything new.. My brain feels like it is going to blow up... I am falling into another dark spot.. _

_(WattPad- Ilianna has lots more stories now! I really suggest going and checking them out! They are furkin amazing!)_

_Instagram, Snapchat, Tumblr, Twitter- Lillybug991 (been using Twitter A LOT!) -Me-_

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